• Anxiety

    11 Practical Conversation Tips for Social Anxiety

    There really aren’t words powerful enough to describe how much I hate small-talk. Even though my social anxiety doesn’t leave me in a state of pure panic whenever the door knocks anymore, I sometimes still get a feeling of dread every time I bump into an acquaintance or have to meet new people. As someone whose social anxiety is intrinsically related to BPD, my conversation anxiety stems from severe self-identity issues. BPD gives me feelings of intense emptiness and there are days where I truly feel as though I don’t exist. Having to talk to people when I feel like ‘nobody’ is extremely anxiety-inducing because I feel as though I…

  • BPD

    The Truth About BPD and Cheating

    Lots of mentally-healthy people cheat – an estimated 40%! – but the general consensus around BPD and cheating is that it is us, the unstable, toxic borderlines, who are persistent offenders. After all, we are the ones who blow hot and cold, idealising you one minute and hating you the next. We are the ones who push you away, the ones known to be impulsive and reckless. Just do a quick Google search and you will see ‘engaging in risky sex or promiscuity’ on every list of symptoms. If that isn’t damming enough, you can stray onto sites like Reddit and read first-hand accounts of people who’ve had their hearts…

  • Depression

    10 Reasons Why You Should Stay Alive Tonight

    I don’t know your life story, nor do I know your pain. What I do know though, is that your life is worth saving. There are so many reasons why you should stay alive even if you feel as though suicide is the only option. I was five years old when I lost one of my parents to suicide. Growing up I struggled with guilt, rejection, anger and heartbreak, driving myself mad with unanswered questions. Why did they do it? No, how could they do it, when I needed them most? Was I not enough? My parent’s suicide caused me a great deal of inner turmoil and spiralled me into…

  • Depression

    What To Do If You Feel Like You’re Slipping Back Into Depression

    So, after yet another string of unfortunate life events, I’ve found myself slipping back into depression for the first time in months. Not my usual I’m-sad-but-I-can-deal-with-it depression, but the kind of persistent, melancholic hopelessness that has me fashioning something as harmful as a pencil shaving into a weapon for my demise. The old me would wallow in it. She would lie in bed for hours and ruminate about her loneliness, her emptiness and her childhood traumas. She would obsess about her mounting debt and her life-limiting disabilities. The time she said hi to someone and they ignored her. Cue a full-blown depression relapse. Luckily, that was the old me. The…

  • Anxiety

    Self-Soothing Activities For Anxiety

    I am always on the lookout for the best self-soothing activities for anxiety. I’ve suffered from anxiety (as well as depression and BPD) for over a decade, so I know just how difficult intense emotions can be to handle. In my turbulent teens and early twenties, I tried everything I could to calm my out-of-control anxiety, from substance abuse to total isolation. Of course, my anxiety only got 10x worse. I would suffer from debilitating panic attacks that would leave me mentally-exhausted and completely vulnerable to the vicious anxiety cycle. Read: Social Anxiety and Alcohol – A Dangerous Cocktail I thought it would take some divine, complex concoction to manage…

  • BPD

    Healing From Childhood Trauma

    Healing from childhood trauma is a complex, personal process that often requires professional therapy. Please always seek professional advice. For my full disclaimer and some awesome mental health resources, click here. When you’ve experienced trauma as a child, it often feels like a wound that won’t heal despite how many times it scabs over. It is vulnerable to the slightest touch – a face, a smell, a song on the radio. All it takes is a nick for the wound to burst open, as fresh as it was all those years ago. Our natural instincts tell us that if we leave it alone it will heal autonomously. Life dictates that…

  • Self-Care

    40 Things To Do When You’re Bored At Night

    If you are a chronic insomniac like me, finding new things to do when you’re bored at night becomes an almighty chore. There’s only so much Friends you can binge before Ross’s voice becomes intolerable. You’re all out of midnight snacks and scrolling through social media is so mind-numbingly boring that even your best friend’s posts start to irritate you eventually (seriously, another picture of your dinner?) Maybe you’re stressed about a job interview or exam. Maybe you suffer from depression and your brain is convinced that replaying all of your past mistakes is far more productive than a good night’s sleep. Maybe anxiety has you worrying inconsequentially about all…

  • Depression

    Things I Learnt From My First Mental Breakdown

    It probably doesn’t surprise you to know that I, the Queen of Self-Destructive Behaviours and Bad Decisions, have had my fair share of mental breakdowns. My first mental breakdown happened when I was 14 years old. It wasn’t the worst breakdown I’ve had by far, but it’s the one that pains me the most when I think about it. My Story I remember it as clear as day: me and my best friend walking through our high school gates, gossiping and laughing about some trivial teenage drama. My depression was forcibly hidden underneath my over-enthusiasm, my desperate attempts to be a normal teenage girl. It was working the same as…

  • BPD

    BPD and Long-Distance Relationships – Can They Work?

    BPD and long-distance relationships can be a very damaging mix. Why do I say this? Well, before my diagnosis, circumstances found me and my boyfriend of 2 years in a long-distance relationship (we’re talking opposite sides of the world long distance). I’d be lying if I said the relationship wasn’t already on the rocks, but it lasted less than two months before ending in disaster. “But all of your relationships have ended in disaster,” I hear you accuse. Touché. And yet, those two months of being in a long-distance relationship exasperated my BPD to the point where I was very, very ill. The breakdown of this relationship was actually the…

  • Self-Care

    How To Become More Emotionally Self-Aware

    I used to have the emotional self-awareness of a faulty kettle. In my late teens and early twenties, I was a slave to BPD’s unstable, impulsive emotions. I succumbed to the anxiety and believed every word it said, my panic attacks capable of overwhelming me in an instant. I would also ruminate for hours on end, thinking myself into deep depressive episodes with zero restraint. Because I wasn’t emotionally self-aware, my emotions kind of just happened to me and I would react to them with intensity. When you lack self-awareness, you lack the ability to identify things like triggers and bad habits. You struggle with emotional control and find yourself…

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